A sweet neighborly looking gentleman in Virginia recently hauled in a 3 foot,17.6 pound Northern Snakehead that might possibly make a world record.  Something else he caught on his reel?  A bucket full of nightmares.  The Snakehead is so named for its large, toothy, ‘snake’ like head, and ability to secret copious amounts of goo across its entire body.  It’s also nick-named the Frankenfish, because it has the freakish ability to walk on land.  So basically, it’s a 3 foot long (but some species can grow up to 6 feet!) zombie snake monster from hell, and it’s coming to a river near you.  Running for the mountains yet? 

Frankenfish are native to the waters of Russia, China, and North and South Korea – 3 of which were allies in the Korean war (evil coincidence? We think not).  After first being discovered in American waters in 2002, Frankenfish have had a more than steady population increase.  Why you might ask?  Because they have no natural predators.  The only thing that kill Frankenfish are humans…and other Frankenfish.  That’s right, it’s a CANNIBAL-snake-zombie-monster-fish.  

The real question here is, what else are they eating? (aside from possibly children, puppies, and your dreams)  According to the New York State Department of Environmental Conservation, the 'Channa Argus', as it is scientifically classified, feeds voraciously on other fish, crustaceans, frogs, and insects.  So...everything, making it a not-so-nice neighbor in our serene environment.

Now, we’ve seen plenty of non-native, invasive fish make their home in the Land of the Free (we did a blog on the LionFish earlier this year), but few can rival the attitude of the Snakefish.  As a species that is capable of spawning up to 5 times a year, you'd think mom and pop would be a bit exhausted.  Nope!  Very territorial and protective of their young, some Frankenfish have been known to KILL, yes we said kill, humans that got too close to their nest.  John Odenkirk, a Virginia fisheries biologist, caught a wounded Snakehead near Mount Vernon earlier this year.  The fish had a large gash in its belly, presumably from a Tekken style run-in with another fisherman (may he rest in peace), and its entrails were protruding from the 5” cut.   While the fish continued to breathe and move normally, Odenkirk was able to estimate the cut as being a few days old.  Oh, now isn't that just FANTASTIC.   Apparently, Frankenfish get their gang-like toughness through random acts of violence, aka killing fish for fun.  No, not food, just fun.

While the Center for Disease Control and Protection has yet to respond with comment, the unofficial response to the eminent zombie takeover is to fight fire with fire.  Should you summon up your inner Chuck Norris enough to catch one of these bad boys and live to tell, they make a pretty tasty catch.  In fact, they are an integral part of Asian cuisine (duh, they're all ninjas).  Be cautious though, and only attempt to reel one in with the proper equipment, sticking to shallow water, and preferably with a buddy.   

Well folks, hide your kids, hide your wife, ‘cause Frankenfish killing everything up in here.  Not just a horrible character in an equally bad movie, Frankenfish is real, and it could be swimming up from the depths of hell near you (if by depths of hell, you mean the Potomac River).